Finding Love

One of the most difficult things a Feng Shui & Chinese Life Reading master has to do is help a clients see, accept and heal from a broken relationships – ideally learning not to repeat the same mistake – only possible when the karmic lesson embodied by that relationship has been learned. The more unselfish both partners are the more substance to the relationship. This is not either partner being a doormat or putting up with abuse, but each being mature enough (no matter what the chronological age) to put the interest of the other person in equal or higher scale than their own selfish desire.

Traveling around the world seeing different cultures as I research the chapter on my book that has to do with views & choices of love from various walks of life I met a profound, highly intelligent, rational, practical, thinker who shared with me his point of view. He calls it The 5 Qualities to look for in your love interest:

(1) Looks
(2) Character
(3) Ability
(4) Financial stability/independence
(5) Sexual chemistry

Even though people may put these qualities at different order at different stages of their lives, these are the qualities that we should have in order to attract Mr. or Ms. Right and the qualities that can help us judge if we should invest time and emotions in someone we are attracted to.

Looks doesn’t only mean physical beauty, but style, vibrancy, a “twinkle in the eye,” and many other subtle signifiers that can attract.

Love relationships are also made of daily affection and sharing life

Having good or decent look is a competitive advantage because your inner quality can only be known by those who come close enough to get to know you. After your looks feel comfortable to the person who approaches you, it is then up to your character to charm that person to further the communication or not. At that point, your ability and intelligence would confirm or deplete your image established by the first two. If you have the first three out of the five as well as # 4, your options are vast. Having # 5 becomes icing on the cake.

The second layer to this scale is that you have to weight these qualities according to the importance years down the line because Looks and Sexual Chemistry may not be life-long attributes. In ‘x’ number of years they will reduce. For most people, Ability may be limited, too, because of various limitations in most professions, therefore, affecting Financial Stability/Independence if there is no good financial management at youth. What is left that you could rely upon is Character. However, this wise man told me, having good character isn’t enough because if there is the lack of financial stability, character alone can’t pay for rent and comfortable life style. This means in the end of the day, all five qualities can vary and that’s why a lot of practical people with blessings and capital would chose # 4 so that there can be financial security in the future no matter what changes may happen. According to him, for those who are driven by emotions and cannot see this fact young enough, they would learn the lessons the hard way through divorce and/or a broken heart. And because of this, he said women who date men much older, wealthier with complicated baggage are not guilty of being gold diggers, they are just more practical and smart. I was entertained by his logic, but that course of life is not for everyone -and since he is an older & successful man he may not be completely objective.

To those who asked me and my father Master Tin Sun for years what to do to find or keep love, here is your answer: Ask yourself honestly how many of these five qualities do you have?! The egg or chicken first?! In this realistic world that everyone is so fearful of love and has problem trusting anyone to love opened heartedly, the best you could do is do your job to grow all five of these qualities. Have good Feng Shui around you that helps you to have a clear mind and positive energy that radiates charm, then, you could attract the right people to you. This way, you take care of both the egg and chicken at the same time.

In answering what are the odds of someone finding and keeping love according to the ancient Chinese wisdom, someone who has all Five Elements as you could find the explanation in my web site. As for the Five Elements characteristics – while it’s always being self-centered that hurts relationships, each element-intensity has its own way of being out of balance that way. Here are guidelines to follow in order to bring more balance and maintain love:

Water: Control emotions driven by sensual attraction and avoid being too sensitive as that may seem too neurotic for others to be in a relationship with. Don’t let the fantasy of love prevent you from developing the real love.

Wood: Become more open minded and willing to listen to other’s point of views; develop the flexibility to make compromises.

Fire: Become more even-tempered through tolerance, forgiveness, understanding. Be more humble and less judgmental. Control decisions based on ego or passion.

Earth: Reduce stubbornness, change the old ways that are stagnant. Let go of grudges and pain of the past to avoid being overly self protective that closes the heart to love.

Metal: Become more self reliant in obtaining your own material desire. Reduce desire to show off. Reduce demands on your love ones provide and act the part in front of others so you can feel superior.

When these fundamentals above are figured out and cleared in your head, the rational and practical aspects could prevent unnecessary waste of time and emotional investments throughout life. This is the basic wisdom that we all can learn from in picking the right mate.

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